Viewing Christmas Gifts Through a Different Lens

What do you want for Christmas?  I hear those 6 words from friends and family every year.  I know the question is coming and I’m still never ready with an answer.  For whatever reason, this question for me is right up there with “What do you want to do when you grow up?,” “What is the meaning of life?,” and “Why don’t people ever post a comment on my blog?” in terms of difficult life questions to answer. 

I never know what to tell people about the Christmas gift question.  The truth is I really don’t need anything.  Not only that, but I’m pretty sure I don’t even really want anything.  I never see a commercial on TV and say to myself “Wow…gotta have that.”  I never see a celebrity, athlete, or model in a magazine and have any interest in getting what they are wearing (Air Jordans as a kid being the only exception).  I’m even to the point with telemarketers where they could be calling to say I’ve won $1 million, and I’d tell them I don’t want it before they even get the chance to speak. 

This Christmas, however, was different.  I still gave the same blank stare when asked what I wanted for gifts, but when Christmas Day rolled around and I tore the wrapping paper off my presents, I had a different reaction; I realized I genuinely did want the things I got. 

Let’s take a quick look at some of my presents and then see if we can figure out why I liked them so much:                                                  

1.       SwiMP3 Player:  Now this is a great idea.  I’ve never owned an iPod and generally don’t have any interest in music, but have you ever tried swimming back and forth in a pool staring endlessly at the bottom?  I have.  It sucks.  1 minute feels more like 13 1/2 hours.  Running and biking outside at least give you things to look at.  A pool offers you the visual pleasure of a black line painted along the bottom.  Awesome.  Enter the SwiMP3 player to help address the boredom.  A SwiMP3 player (as its name suggests) is an MP3 player for swimming.  It hooks directly onto your goggles and the music is very clear under the water.  The only issue is that I seem to get more water in my goggles when I’m wearing it (not ideal given the point of goggles is to keep water out).  Overall though, it works well and makes swim training much more enjoyable.  My swimming goals should look out…I’m coming after them now and I’m one bad Mother F*cker.

2.   RoadID:  Safety first as they say.  This is a bracelet that runners and bikers should wear that has emergency contact info on it should a bad accident occur and the person can’t speak for himself.  While not exactly a cheery holiday gift, it is a very important one.  Accidents involving runners and bikers with no ID is actually a large problem given runners/bikers typically don’t bring their wallet with them on a workout.  Did you know 48,264 lives would have been saved in 2011 if people were wearing these?  I’m guessing you probably didn’t since I completely made that statistic up and I’m sure it’s not close to true.  It definitely sounded compelling though as I was typing.  In all seriousness, if an accident does happen it is very difficult for emergency workers to know who to notify and to have basic info on how to treat the person. 

On a side note, I actually got Sue the exact same (yes, I know “exact same” is redundant) thing as one of my gifts for her.  They say great minds think alike, and I get the point, but that phrase has never made much sense to me.  It seems to me that people thinking alike (or not being able to think differently) is one of the biggest problems in the world right now…whoa, digression police, pull over…sorry about that.  I guess I’ll save my 2 cents for a NY Times Op-Ed and get back on track here.

3.      “You Are an Ironman:  How six weekend warriors chased their dream of finishing the world’s toughest triathlon”:  This is a fantastic non-fiction book serving as great motivation for my workouts.  I love it because it doesn’t talk about the professionals…it focuses instead on the stories of everyday people and what they went through in trying to do the 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike ride, and 26.2 mile swim.  Let’s face it, I’m obsessed with all 35 items on my list, but if I had to choose 1 that I’m going to be most proud of, it will be the Ironman.  Don’t think for a second that if I were single I wouldn’t walk right into a bar and announce to every girl… “Hi, I’m an Ironman.”  Actually, I’d probably go with the line from the movie Hall Pass – “Are you from Ireland?  Because when I look at you my penis starts-a-Dublin’!”  That killed me…no way that wouldn’t work. 

Anyway, as I started off by saying, I didn’t think I wanted anything for Christmas.  When I opened my presents though, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I really wanted everything I got.  So what changed?  I didn’t get anything this year that was more expensive than previous years.  The gifts weren’t more luxurious in any way.  What was it?

It occurred to me that the difference had little to do with the gifts themselves, but more to do with the context around what the gifts were about.  Everything I got this year was related to “Schmeis 35 for 35” and the goals I set out to achieve in 2012.   I think I’ve been lacking personal goals for so long that I thought I never really wanted anything.  That wasn’t the case.  The truth was I didn’t have anything I was trying to achieve so no gift (no matter how expensive, high-tech, etc.) could fit into a framework that allowed me to see how much I wanted it.  Having goals has made me realize I do actually want things; I want anything that can help me achieve my goals.  In this case, I’m so ridiculously obsessed with these 35 random athletic aspirations that any gift that fit into that framework was instantly the best thing in the world to me. 

So here’s my advice:  next year when you’re asked what you want for the holidays, don’t just blindly follow the masses and ask for an iPad.  I encourage you to think about your own goals and what gifts could help you get there.  From personal experience, I expect you’ll find that approach much more rewarding.  Plus, people will be so impressed with your maturity in approaching the subject that you just tricked them into getting you the iPad for your birthday anyway…

Where Does Motivation Come From?

Before we dive in, let me caveat this post.  I have 0 official qualifications in tackling this question.  I don’t have a background in Psychology, I’ve never done focus groups asking people about their source of motivation, and I’ve never read a book or article on the subject.  If you think for 1 second though this is going to stop me from talking 100% authoritatively about this, you clearly don’t know me well enough.  Here we go with some random potential sources of motivation:

Pride:  I like to think of pride as a state of being proud or a delight / elation arising from some act.  Ok, so Webster’s may have helped a bit with that but there is no question pride is a huge source of motivation.  All of us have felt that almost indescribable urge to “finish what we started,” “make it happen,” “be your best,” etc.    

Shit-talking:   Want to get motivated to perform your best?  I highly recommend shit-talking.  I mean, it worked for Michael Jordan.  It seems a good general rule of thumb to live by is if Michael Jordan did it, it must be great.  Text message is my preferred means of broadcasting all my trash talking to others these days.  This works…trust me.

Nature:    Have you ever been to the top of a mountain to see how small people, cars, buildings, etc. look down below?  There isn’t a better way to make you realize what your place really is in this enormous world than looking at Earth from high above.  It can also help provide motivation by making you realize you’re too caught up in the day-to-day to notice what really matters.  Fact…getting too caught up in stuff that doesn’t matter has happened to you…probably even in the last 24 hours.

Blogs:  I had no idea this could be a source of motivation until I launched Schmeis 35 for 35 and people told me it was motivating.  So, I guess by definition it has to make the list of sources of motivation.

Dreams:  There is no doubt that dreaming big is a huge source of motivation.  Can you picture yourself looking the way you want?  Can you imagine winning a race that you never thought was possible?  True, you’ll probably always be ugly and will never win the race but dreaming can give you the motivation to at least try!

Targets:  There is a saying in entrepreneurship and business that is very applicable here: “Think global, act local.”  Here, the “global” thinking relates to the big dreams and the “local” thinking relates to specific tasks and training along the way.  What exactly are you trying to achieve?  Notice in my list of 35 I didn’t just say “drink a beer really fast.”  I said “chug a beer in 3 seconds.”  Use specifics…ambiguity kills motivation!

Snowball:  We all know the concept of a snowball…it starts small, momentum builds off of itself, blah, blah, blah.   Making progress (no matter what the topic) makes me feel great.  When setting targets, I encourage you to take a snowball approach and start with something small like “I want to be able to jog 1 mile without stopping” and build from there.  Setting realistic targets and starting the snowball is a great approach to progressing toward longer term dreams.

Under promise, Over Deliver:  We’ve all heard of it.  Use this method!  There is no downside and getting positive feedback from achieving more than what was expected is very rewarding.

Accountability:  One of the most genius things behind The Schmeis 35 for 35 (and trust me, there are a lot of genius things to choose from) is to loop in others in the quest.  Suddenly, it’s not only about me convincing myself to get out of bed, but I’ve got family and friends riding me about getting my ass up as well.  The most basic concept of this is having a workout partner.  It’s been proven time and time again that if you’re scheduled to meet someone at the gym, you’ll be there…if left up only to you though, it is easy to talk yourself out of it.

Experiences:  Being dealt a bad hand in life happens to all of us from time to time.  Maybe you lost a relative, maybe you sustained a bad injury, or maybe you failed to achieve something you had your heart set on.  In any case, drawing on previous experience as a source of motivation is enormously helpful.

You Tube:  This truly is an unbelievable place to find motivation.  There are some amazing experiences others have gone through that even make an emotionless robot like me get a little of that liquid substance to start coming down from my eyes.  When I first started thinking about triathlons, I searched YouTube for “triathlon motivation.”  When you’re done reading this post, check out the video in the upper-right hand corner of the page (click on the 1st one).  It is beyond motivational.  It’s a story of a father who finished an Ironman while carrying his handicapped son the whole way (yes, the full 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, and 26.2 mile run).  I’m voting it as the most impressive athletic feat I’ve ever seen.

Ok, let’s take a look at the full list again without all the explanations:

1.      Pride

2.      Shit-Talking

3.      Nature

4.      Blogs

5.      Dreams

6.      Targets

7.      Snowball

8.      Under-promise

9.      Over-deliver

10.  Accountability

11.  Experiences

12.  You Tube

I count 12 items in total.  Now, most good consultants, text books, lectures, etc. will say to limit a list like this to 3-5 items but I had way too much wisdom to share to be boxed in like that.  As I’ve mentioned before though, I am a big fan of structure so maybe I can take the first letter of each of these 12 items and come up with a cool acronym.  That seems to be a good trick I’ve seen used before.  Ok, let’s take a look at the first letters and see what we’ve got to work with…this should be fun:

PSNBDTSUOAEY

Give me a second here to play around with the letters.  On a related note, I may be one of the world’s top Scrabble players.  I know this because I can consistently beat my mom.  Ok, the first possibility just hit me:

NASTY DOPE BUS

“NASTY DOPE BUS” makes a lot of sense since a dope bus would probably be nasty.  It has a good ring to it but I’m not sure how easily I can tie it to motivation.  Let’s move on to another possibility:

BUSY NOTEPADS

I absolutely love “BUSY NOTEPADS” as an acronym except for the fact that notepads tend not to be busy at all.  In fact, most notepads I have tend to just sit on my desk and wait around for me to write something on them.  Notepads just don’t really strike me as having a terribly hectic lifestyle so they can’t be BUSY.  Clearly, this one is out…Next!:

NUDE POSSY TAB

Hmmmm, the word “nude” is always fun to use but there are lots of problems with this one.  First, I’m pretty sure POSSY isn’t spelled correctly and I’m a stickler for grammar and spelling.  Also, while I would think a posse would drink a lot of beer and therefore have a TAB, I rarely see a NUDE posse at a bar so having a NUDE POSSY TAB just seems too far-fetched for me.  This one’s out.  Damn, this is tough. 

Wait, I think I’ve got it!!!!:

DON’T BE A PUSSY

Let’s face it, this one is brilliant…definitely the winner…pure gold.  Said in other ways, DON’T BE A PUSSY means just get it done…stop wimping out…no excuses.  It’s a perfect reminder of what to tell yourself when you’re not feeling motivated.  You can focus on Dreaming, Over-delivering, Nature, Targets, Blogs, Experiences, Accountability, Pride, Under-promising, Sh*t-talking, Snowballs,  and You Tube or you can just put it all together as you start your own goals for 2012 and remember:  DON’T BE A PUSSY.

Before you leave, check out the video in the upper-right hand corner of the blog (click on the 1^st one).  If this doesn’t motivate you, nothing will.

Wait, an Ironman is How Far?

There are only two types of people in this world:  Those who say “I can’t" and those who say... “I can.”

That was the opening line narrator Al Trautwig of NBC spoke at the Ironman World Championships held in Kona, Hawaii recently.  I was watching the special on TV to get pumped up for some training this week.  As motivating as the line sounded, I couldn't help but think that there is obviously a 3rd group of people:  those who hear a sentence like that and throw up a little in their mouth.  I'm a proud member of that camp. 

Cheesy lines aside, I have to admit I got so freaking pumped watching the Ironman special that I went straight to the pool for a 2 hour swim, then hopped on the bike for an 8 hour bike ride, and closed the day with a quick 5 hour run.  I either did that or I put a pizza in the oven and watched football.  Sorry, I can’t remember exactly how it played out but it was definitely one of those things.

Anyway, let’s check out the real story about my week of training since launching the blog:

Sunday, Dec.18:  Launched blog and promptly threw in a Digiorno pizza at 400 degrees for 28 minutes and cooked it to perfection.  I rationalized this by telling myself that achieving my 35 aspirations is going to require consistent routines.  Well, I’ve been eating pizza every Sunday for years, so I got some good practice sticking to a routine.  Plus, I needed some calories for my week ahead. 

Later that afternoon, I went to The Bull City Running Company in Durham and got some great help in choosing a shoe with more stability to help my overpronation (running with too much weight on the inside of my foot).  My left knee has been bothering me for awhile now and the pressure I’m putting on the knee with bad running form is the likely culprit.  I went with the Brooks Ravenna 2 which is supposed to help…we’ll see.  Plus, a quick google search of reviews while in the store revealed this beauty courtesy of Running Ruth from Puyallup, WA… “The Ravenna saved the day and they are just what I need now!  Plus they look HOT!”  Thank you Running Ruth…I’m sold.

To end the day, I tried chugging a glass of water…no joke.  It took me 4 seconds.  I need to do a beer in 3 seconds for aspiration #35 on the list.  I’ve got work to do but I have a history of rising to the occasion.  I’m a gamer, so I’m not worried.

Monday, Dec.19:  I hit the gym around 5pm and started with a 15 minute warm-up on the bike.  Warming up is something I’m committed to doing throughout 2012 to try to prevent injuries.  I’ve never been big on this in the past but I’ve now torn 2 ligaments in my left knee, tore my groin, and had back issues the last few years.  The Sherlock Holmes in me thinks there is a connection.  Actuaries are putting the likelihood of me going down with a career-ending injury in the first week of 2012 at about 73.4%.

After the bike, I jumped on the treadmill.  I decided I was going to do 4 miles with each mile 30 seconds faster than the last (starting with a 9 minute mile and ending with a 7:30 mile).  In what can only be called a BAD SIGN, I remember looking at the treadmill clock after 3 minutes and 17 seconds when I had gone about .36 miles and thinking “Wait, an Ironman is how far?”  True story.  The phrase “I’m screwed” may or may not have entered my mind at that moment.

To my pleasant surprise, I was able to finish the run with accelerating pace and I took to the pool for 45 minutes.  I worked on Total Immersion freestyle… a type of swimming that is extremely smooth, still fast, but uses very few strokes…perfect for long swims. 

Tuesday, Dec.20:  I started again with a 10 minute bike warm-up.  I then lifted chest and triceps for an hour…combination of bench press, incline bench, push-ups, dips, and flys.  I felt pretty strong…probably because I am pretty strong.  I’m going to need to knock out a lot of the goals that involve upper body strength early in 2012 as the bulk will hurt me for most of the aspirations. 

After the 60 minutes of lifting, I took to the pool for another hour.  I did a lot of drills and 5 sets of 200M.  I probably swam about 1 mile in total but spread it out with a lot of rest in between.

I ended the day with a 12 mile bike ride.  Nothing crazy, but I need to start building up base miles to get my ass used to the seat (or “time in the saddle” as fellow bikers say).

Wednesday, Dec.21:  I warmed up on the bike for 10 minutes and then got on the treadmill.  This time, I ran for 4 miles in 35 minutes alternating between flat surface and 3 percent inclines every 2 minutes.  The inclines suck if you were curious.

After the run, I hopped in the pool again for another swim workout.  I did a combination of kick board, drills to practice my stroke, and a pyramid set of 100M, 200M, 300M, 400M.  Actually, it didn’t end up being a much of a pyramid since I decided there was no way I could come back down the pyramid at those distances.  I guess it was more of a ladder…

Thursday, Dec.22:  Today, I woke up at 6am for an early swim.  My goggles broke so Sue and I traded off and on with her goggles which basically lead to a completely worthless workout.  It’s 65 today though so I’ll probably run later this afternoon.

Overall, I’m very pleased with how things are going.  My list of 35 aspirations is crazy aggressive but that’s what is going to make all of this interesting.  Some of the list is clearly going to kick my ass but I’m going to stay with it.  I can’t wait for the new year when I can actually start attempting some of these.  So, are you feeling more or less confident of my chances? 

The Beginning: Schmeis 35 for 35

I turn 35 in 2012…July 25th for those scoring at home.  I got married 2 years ago, moved from city life in New York to suburban life in North Carolina, started thinking about kids, bought a house, began mowing the yard on Saturdays, and now seem to wake up each morning with more aches and pains than the day before.  In short, I’m getting old. 

Now, I know what most of you are thinking… “He’s crazy…he’s not getting old.  He’s still ridiculously good looking.”  You’re absolutely correct and you make a very valid point.  I’m more concerned, however, about getting old from an athletic standpoint.  Since you insist on talking about it, let’s go back to my high school and college years for some perspective.  I used to be able to hammer a 360 two-handed dunk, I had the high school bench press record for my weight class, and I shot several competitive rounds of golf near even par. 

Fast forward to today and I would probably simultaneously pull my quads, hamstrings, and calves if I tried to touch the rim, my shoulders would likely pop out of socket if I tried to bench more than 185, and I’d be lucky to find a fairway or a green if I made it to the golf course.  My glory days athletically would seem to be well behind me -- but are they?  This self-proclaimed athletic freak isn’t giving up so easily. 

Enter the idea for “The Schmeis 35 for 35.”  I got the idea in an attempt to overcome my athletic midlife crisis.  “35 for 35” refers to 35 athletic aspirations that I will be checking off (hopefully) throughout 2012 leading up to and following my 35^th birthday.  My quest will officially last for 1 calendar year:  starting on Jan.1, 2012 and lasting until Dec.31, 2012.  Over the last part of 2011 during the holidays, I will finalize my list of 35 athletic aspirations (hopefully with your help) and start blogging about my training, successes, failures, and other random topics related to my workouts on my journey to checking off as many of the 35 as possible. 

The Proof

How will you be sure that I completed a given aspiration?  Great question…thanks for asking.  There are only 3 forms of proof that will be considered valid for the purpose of establishing whether or not I have reached a given aspiration:

1.              Video evidence

2.              Official race results posted on internet from an event of some kind (i.e. triathlon, running race, etc.)

3.              A witness (this is the weakest but necessary for some of the 35)

Before telling you the 35 aspirations that make up the list, let me tease you a little.  The list is somewhere between ridiculously awesome and really f*ing stupid, but it’s a first draft.  Keep in mind, I have no running, swimming, biking, or Triathlon background so if you think the times are slow feel free to tune into the Summer Olympics in London...I’m sure you’ll find some fast times there.  That being said, any suggestions you have on my list would be very welcome.  Remember, I need actual proof so I can’t just say I completed a task…I have to actually have it on video, have official results, or have a witness.  The more I think about this, the more I realize it is going to be pretty much impossible.  Sweet.

Scoring Methodology

I need a scoring methodology to know at the end of the year how I did.  Here are the grades I would give myself at the end of 2012 based on the number of aspirations on the list I was able to achieve (this will mean more when you see the list):

-          < 15 out of 35 aspirations completed = F

-          15-18 = D

-          19-23 = C

-          24-26 = B

-          27-29 =  A

-          30 or higher =  Greek God

Vegas has the over/under at 21 (hence the C grade). 

So, there you have it…I'm spending 2012 doing a 100% completely unnecessary meathead competition against myself.   That last sentence was awesome; let’s read that again…I'm spending 2012 doing a 100% completely unnecessary meathead competition against myself.  I love it. 

I’m going to try to blog ~1-2 times per week about my progress and will post links, videos, etc. as they happen throughout 2012.  I know the only way I’ll make a good run at this is if I’ve put it out to the world that I’m doing it.  I need all your comments like “you’re such a pussy,” “does your mom want to play too?,” etc. as motivation for making this happen so feel free to let me have it.  I’d write more but I need to go start dominating.  See you at the finish line.

The Current List of 35

Schmeis 35 for 35

As I mentioned, there are 35 aspirations I’m shooting for in 2012.  The list spans on the short-end from things that will happen in seconds (i.e. dunking a basketball) to things on the long-end that will take several hours (i.e.  Triathlons).  For some of the list, I have the comfort of knowing that I have at one point in my life been able to do these.  The basketball, golf, and weightlifting goals are all something I have done…ok, so maybe not in the last 5-10 years, but at least I actually have done them.  The running, swimming, triathlons, and biking goals I have never done (or even attempted for that matter).  I didn’t do track, cross country, or swimming in high school, and hadn’t been on a bike for more than 10 years until the last few months.  Needless to say, I’m not working with a whole lot here. 

If all goes well throughout 2012, I’m aiming to compete at the Beach 2 Battleship Ironman Triathlon at the end of the year.  For those that don’t know about Ironman Triathlons, they involve a 2.4 mile swim, followed by a 112 mile bike ride, and then a full 26.2 mile marathon run.  Just typing the numbers doesn’t do it justice…it will take longer than 12 hours of non-stop cardio to be able to do this…yes, I’m scared.

Anyway, enough warm up.  Let’s get to the full list.  Below is a draft of the 35 aspirations segmented into 7 categories of 5 items each…hey, what can I say, I like structure and symmetry.   

Basketball:

1.         Dunk a basketball

2.         Reverse 2-handed dunk

3.         Make 20 free throws in a row

4.         Make 10 3s in a row

5.         Make ½ court shot

Weightlifting:

6.         Bench 225 lbs 10 times in a row

7.         70 pushups in a row

8.         25 pullups in a row

9.         50 dips in a row

10.     Jump rope 100 times in 1 minute

Running:

11.     Run ¼ mile in under 1 minute 5 seconds

12.     Run ½ mile in under 2:30

13.     Run mile in under 5:30

14.     Run 5k in under 20 min

15.     Run half marathon in under 8 min per mile

Golf:

16.     Shoot round of golf on par 72 course in 75 or under

17.     300 yard drive (big downhill or huge tailwind don’t count)

18.     Eagle a par 5

19.     Juggle 3 golf balls with hands for 20 seconds

20.     Juggle golf ball on face of club for 20 seconds

Swimming (all starting in the pool – no dive starts):

21.     50 under 28 seconds

22.     100 under 1:10

23.     200 under 2:45

24.     400 under 6 min

25.     Swim 50 yards underwater

Triathlons

26.     Compete in at least 6 Triathlons

27.     Finish top 15% in a Sprint Triathlon (~500 meter swim, 15 mile bike, 3.1 mile run)

28.     Finish top 30% in Olympic Triathlon (~1500meter swim, 25 mile bike, 6 mile run)

29.     Complete Half Ironman (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run) in < 6 hours

30.     Complete FULL IRONMAN (2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 mile full marathon)

Miscellaneous:

31.     Climb/hike a mountain > 14,000 feet

32.     Do the splits

33.     Bike 1 mile in less than 2:15 (26.7 mpg avg)

34.     Bike 15 miles in less than 45 min (20 mph avg – no drafting)

35.     Chug a beer in 3 seconds (yes, I will still be drinking during 2012…)

There you have it… The Schmeis 35 for 35!  Again, I’m starting the quest on January 1, 2012 (well, maybe January 2 given all the bowl games that will be on New Year’s Day and the fact I’ll be hungover from the night before, but you get the point).  Let me know your thoughts!