Handing Out Mid-Year Awards: "and the Schmeisy Goes to..."

As June 30^th came and went, so did the midpoint of the 2012 Schmeis35for35 calendar.  Nearly 200 days have passed since my first post and I’ve put in 1621 miles on the bike, 294 miles on the run, and 63 miles in the water.  I’ve also driven more than 1000 miles to different venues to attempt my 35 goals.  All told, that’s ~3000 miles of effort or the equivalent of crossing the US from New York to LA. 

I’ve worked out 159 of 198 days (>80%) since I launched the blog and the only off days have been for rest, tapering for races, or recovering from chugging beer!  Sure, I’ve only actually achieved 7 of my 35 goals, but I’ve got plenty of time…I’m just getting started.

Anyway, just as any company would do a mid-year review, I think it’s only appropriate that I do a review and hand out some mid-year awards as we reflect back on the journey so far. 

First came the Emmys…then came the ESPYs…and now we have the Schmeisys! 

Our celebrity MC for this evening will be me.  You all will play the role of audience obligated to laugh at my jokes.  Let’s get started…

Schmeis:  “You know what they say the difference is between a Blogger and a Pitbull?  One is a person who types things on his computer and the other is a really mean dog!  Ha! It was a trick question!”

Audience:  "Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!"

Let’s introduce tonight’s first Schmeisy…

Schmeisy #1:  Best Looking Male Standing on Top of a Rock - …and the Schmeisy goes to…Schmeis for this pic in the Virgin Islands in April!

Wow, great start by me for the evening.  I’m glad to get one under my belt.  I was worried when this picture was taken that it was a bad angle but I think this award proves I HAVE NO BAD ANGLES.  Thank you to all the ugly people out there…without you, I would be less good looking.

Moving right along…

Schmeisy #2:  Most Inspiring Performance – and the Schmeisy goes to…my Mom for her incredible time in the Carmel half Marathon!…truly an amazing performance. 

I don’t think I know a harder worker than my Mom.  When she puts her mind to something she finishes it and this was no exception.  She blew away her goal time for the 13.1 miles.  I’ll be thinking about that when the Ironman rolls around for me in October. 

Unfortunately, my mom couldn’t be with us tonight.  She’s busy being retired.  I’m assuming she would have said something like this though:  “Michael, hi sweetie.  I love you.  You truly are the greatest son in the world.  Yes, even if I include your brother.”

Thanks Mom, I couldn’t agree more.

Schmeisy #3:  Craziest Mother Nature Moment - …and the Schmeisy goes to…the Japan Earthquake that hit during my Asia trip. 

For those who missed it, here was a portion of my blog post from that day in March…

I got to the Tokyo hotel around 7pm and checked into my room on the 27^th floor.  I was absolutely exhausted so ended up flipping mindlessly through channels on the TV before bed.  It seemed on most channels, the only thing I could find was continuous coverage of the insane Earthquake and tsunami footage from 2011.  Almost a year ago to the day was the monster 9.0 quake that hit Japan…this was the anniversary.

Unbelievably, I fell asleep around 9pm my first night in Japan and was woken shortly after by my room shaking violently.  The glass of water by my bedside table fell to the floor and a loud rumbling filled the air.  I tried to stand up and realized the entire Hilton was literally swaying back and forth to the point it was difficult to stand.  It was an Earthquake…and a big one. 

My room was on the 27^th floor with a view overlooking Tokyo.  It had full wall windows and I was staring out to the city as the Hilton was rocking back and forth.  I could clearly hear screaming from around the hotel…people were freaking out.  Now, I’ve been in several earthquakes before and they’ve got my attention, but I’ve never felt threatened.  This time was completely different…I was petrified.

The swaying and shaking literally went on for over 3 minutes.  If that doesn’t seem like much, count to 180 slowly while being several hundred feet in the air thinking the building you’re in is going to collapse…let me know what 3 minutes feels like then.  I didn’t know whether to try to make it out of the building, somehow find cover, or what.  Getting in an elevator didn’t seem like a great idea but the thought of trying to run down 27 flights of stairs didn’t make much sense either.  I was basically just frozen. 

Finally, it all stopped.  Silence was followed by the sound of sirens a few seconds later.  I don’t get easily freaked out by anything (one of my self-proclamations is that I would be the world’s greatest Fear Factor competitor) but this did it.  It scared me…a lot. 

By the way, it turned out to be a magnitude 6.9 quake…ridiculous.  But hey, I lived, so no biggie…plus, it turned into another Schmeisy!

Schmeisy #4:  Most Likely to Go from Blogger to the NFL -  and the Schmeisy goes to…Schmeis again! 

Let’s take a look back at my meat head performance benching 225 pounds and the comparison with NFL players that I did at the time. 

13!!!!!  For some perspective, I decided to look up the 2011 NFL combine results to see how I stacked up.  About 300 college guys participated but several don’t actually do the bench.  Quarterbacks, kickers, injured people, etc. all don’t usually participate but there is still a lot of data to sort through from those that did give it a go.  Let’s start with the running backs:  46 participated.  Max # of 225 reps was 32 by Anthony Sherman of Connecticut.  The least?  11!!! Ha!!  I literally beat Roy Helu of Nebraska by 2 reps at 225 lbs.  That’s so great.  I have no idea how that is even possible.  I’m embarrassed for the state of Nebraska.  Considering I haven’t even tried to bench 225 for over a year, I’m going to declare this one as pretty freaking awesome.

Also, as a general rule of thumb, I find anytime I can market myself as being as strong as some NFL players it’s a good idea so there was no way I wasn’t working this into the Schmeisys…

Schmeisy #5: Iron Chef Award for Best Cook – As much as I’d like to continue giving myself awards, I just don’t think my toast with peanut butter is going to cut it for this category.  


This Schmeisy goes to my Wife, Sue, who has not only managed to cook incredibly yummy meals, but also makes them really healthy.  Nutrition is a huge factor for me making my goals this year and without Sue it definitely wouldn’t be possible. 

I thought about posting a picture of the great meals she makes, but then I remembered that very few things annoy me more than people posting pictures of what they eat on Facebook.

Anyway, Sue, a big THANK YOU from your husband and winner of multiple Schmeisys, Schmeis.  As some motivation for you to continue, let me remind you that there has never been a 2-time winner of this award but I think you have what it takes to win again in 2013 if you keep it up…

Schmeisy #6:  Most Memorable Moment –  and the Schmeisy goes to…finding out there was going to be a little Schmeis! 

Competition was really stiff for this Schmeisy.  The earthquake in Japan and crossing the finish line in my first half Ironman were both worthy contenders but neither came close to this moment.  How could this award go to anything other than learning I was going to be a Dad? 

I keep thinking how funny it’s going to be when the little guy will be able to look back at what his dad was trying to do the year he was born.  I’m hoping he’ll get inspired and start dominating preschool tag games or something. 

As for his name, I’m happy to report that Sue and I have come to agreement.  After hiring some linear programmers from India and some PhD statisticians to create the appropriate Venn Diagrams, we came up with a name that sat perfectly at the intersection between all my naming principles.  I can’t tell you the name but I can give you a hint…it’s not Addison Spencer Schmeiser.

Schmeisy #7:  Best Motivational Moment  - and the Schmeisy goes to…seeing my Mom and pregnant wife holding this sign for me with 6.5 miles left to go in my first Half Ironman!

Let’s take a look back at a blog excerpt from “Where Does Motivation Come From?” that helps explain everything.  We’ll start in the middle of the post where I have just laid out 12 potential sources of motivation:

·         Pride

·         Shit-Talking

·         Nature

·         Blogs

·         Dreams

·         Targets

·         Snowball

·         Under-promise

·         Over-deliver

·         Accountability

·         Experiences

·         You Tube 

I am a big fan of structure so maybe I can take the first letter of each of these 12 items and come up with a cool acronym.  That seems to be a good trick I’ve seen used before.  Ok, let’s take a look at the first letters and see what we’ve got to work with…this should be fun:

PSNBDTSUOAEY

Give me a second here to play around with the letters.  On a related note, I may be one of the world’s top Scrabble players.  I know this because I can consistently beat my mom.  Ok, the first possibility just hit me:

NASTY DOPE BUS


“NASTY DOPE BUS” makes a lot of sense since a dope bus would probably be nasty.  It has a good ring to it but I’m not sure how easily I can tie it to motivation.  Let’s move on to another possibility:

BUSY NOTEPADS

I absolutely love “BUSY NOTEPADS” as an acronym except for the fact that notepads tend not to be busy at all.  In fact, most notepads I have tend to just sit on my desk and wait around for me to write something on them.  Notepads just don’t really strike me as having a terribly hectic lifestyle so they can’t be BUSY.  Clearly, this one is out…Next!:

NUDE POSSY TAB

Hmmmm, the word “nude” is always fun to use but there are lots of problems with this one.  First, I’m pretty sure POSSY isn’t spelled correctly and I’m a stickler for grammar and spelling.  Also, while I would think a posse would drink a lot of beer and therefore have a TAB, I rarely see a NUDE posse at a bar so having a NUDE POSSY TAB just seems too far-fetched for me.  This one’s out.  Damn, this is tough. 

I think I’ve got it!!!!:

DON’T BE A PUSSY

Let’s face it, this one is brilliant…definitely the winner…pure gold.  Said in other ways, DON’T BE A PUSSY means just get it done…stop wimping out…no excuses.  It’s a perfect reminder of what to tell yourself when you’re not feeling motivated.  You can focus on Dreaming, Over-delivering, Nature, Targets, Blogs, Experiences, Accountability, Pride, Under-promising, Sh*t-talking, Snowballs,  and You Tube or you can just put it all together as you start your own goals for 2012 and remember:  DON’T BE A PUSSY.

Yes, this Schmeisy was an easy one as there isn’t anything more motivating than your pregnant wife and mother yelling at you to not be a pussy.  Thanks Sue and Mom!

Schmeisy #8:  Chameleon Award- and the Schmeiy goes to…Schmeis for looking like a great Triathlete without actually being one!

Check out this pics…tell me I don't look the part of a great triathlete... 

but the comparison vs. Lance Armstrong makes it pretty clear I’m not exactly that good.

Schmeisy #9:  Schmeiser Traveling Trophy for Winner of the Brother Battle – and the Schmeisy goes to….Bryan Schmeiser!

My first half Ironman at White Lake was absolutely brutal.  It was 95 degrees and humid…the hottest day in North Carolina of the year at the time.  My brother did the race with me and we battled against each other for 6 hours.  We both cramped horribly but he ended up beating me by 19 minutes.  It kills me, but I have to give credit where credit is due…Bryan, this Schmeisy is for you. 

Schmeisy #10:  Joe Namath Award for best guarantee – and the Schmeisy goes to…Schmeis for his guarantee that he’ll do Half Ironman Muncie in less than 6 hours!

I cramped so severely in the last few miles of White Lake that I literally had tears in my eyes as I finally crossed the finish line.  I missed my goal of finishing in less than 6 hours by 10 minutes.  Here was a pic from right after the race.

I was crushed but my reaction the next day was simple:  I looked for another race to get on the calendar and then guaranteed I would finish Half Ironman Muncie, Indiana on July 7 in less than 6 hours.

You probably noticed that July 7 is 2 days away.  Sue and I just drove to Indiana from North Carolina and I’m all set for the race on Saturday.

The only problem is it’s supposed to be 100 degrees which would tie the all-time record high set in 1977.  I start at 8am and it’s going to be 80 already when I start.  By the time I hit the run, it will be 100 with a Heat Index of nearly 110.  This is insane.  Of course, exactly was the case at White Lake, the following days after my race are supposed to be 20 degrees cooler and less humid.  


It's going to be hotter and the course is much more hilly this time around than my attempt 2 months ago at White Lake but I'm sticking to my guarantee.

Wrapping up the Schmeisys:


Overall, an incredible performance by me tonight.  I took home 5 of the 10 Schmeisys and couldn’t be more pleased.  I feel like Avatar at the Oscars. 

Now I just need to get back on track checking off goals.  I’m hoping to kill 2 goals with one race on Saturday by finishing in less than 6 hours and averaging more than 20 mph on the bike. 

Like last time, you’ll be able to follow me live.  Please go to www.ironman.com during the race where there will be a link at the top of the page to follow racers live.  If the link isn’t there, look for the Ironman Muncie link and go from there.  I’m BIB number 1307 or you can look me up by typing in “Schmeiser.”  As I start at 8am EST, I need to finish by 2pm to break 6 hours.


If I do that, something tells me I'll deserve another Schmeisy at the end of the year.

Schmeis